Go On
by haunted-eternity
Summary: He needed to fix this to get back what he lost long ago. Jenny/Gibbs.


Gibbs felt alone. He wasn't alone though, he was in a relationship with Hollis Mann. He was always working, and she was always working, but it worked for them.

Their relationship wasn't hidden, but it wasn't broadcasted around the Beltway. His team knew, and of course the Director knew. How could she not, she has seen the way he acts around people he loves.

The team's opinion did matter to him, even if he doesn't tell them that often. He knew when they worked a case with Hollis they weren't sure how to act. They were more distant and somewhat uncomfortable, but they hid it from Hollis and even tried to hide it from him as well. Ziva was the one that hid it the best, after all she was Mossad, and they trained well. Tony and McGee were a little more obvious than her, but Abby was the worst at hiding it. She didn't bother to hide it that often, and he often saw the sideways glances whenever Hollis was in the same room with her.

But Jenny's reaction surprised him.

He noticed she was more distant around him now. She never let him in anymore, and it bothered him somewhat. Though it was a subtle change in their relationship, his team felt the tension whenever they were in the same room. She only came out of her office when she had to, and talked to him only when it was necessary. They didn't tease each other anymore like they use to, they didn't spend time with each other either, instead it was silence and disapproving glances from the catwalk.

--

His team had caught a case, so he dished out the assignments.

"McGee, Tony, gas up the truck" he called to them and threw McGee the keys as he walked by the desk to the elevator.

Ziva sat silently in her seat, waiting for his instructions.

He came up to her desk and loomed over it.

"What's going on Ziva" he questioned her.

"What do you mean Gibbs" she stated.

"Something has been going on with everyone. You, Tony, McGee. Hell, even Abby has joined in" he spoke quietly to her.

"Why do you ask me" Ziva questioned him, standing up from her desk.

"You know why. You know almost everything that goes on here"

"I do not gossip Gibbs. You should know that"

Gibbs gave her his patent glare but said nothing.

"Hollis Mann" she said, looking away.

Gibbs stared at her in shock, he had a suspicion that was the cause, but he needed to hear it out loud.

"What is that suppose to mean" he questioned her.

"It's why we are so, what is the word, distant" she said bluntly.

"Why" he said.

"I can only speak for Abby and myself" she said "but you broke Jenny's heart".

He froze, not expecting that reason. "What?"

"You cannot be that dense Gibbs. You have to see the way she looks at you" Ziva stated, heading toward the elevator with her pack.

Gibbs stood there, stunned by what she revealed to him.

--

It was the end of shift and he was finishing up the paperwork on his case. The team was gone and had handed him their reports before they left. Ziva had given him a hard glare when she turned in her paperwork but said nothing else to him as she left for the night.

Just as he was putting all the case reports in a file he heard the elevator ding. To his surprise Hollis Mann walked out of the elevator. He looked up to the catwalk quickly and saw Jen coming out of MTAC. He saw her looking down at him quickly, the icy glare still in place, hardened at seeing who was coming to his desk.

He looked away as Hollis came into his view.

"Hey" she said.

Gibbs nodded at her.

"You ready to leave" she questioned him.

"I have some things to do, paperwork" he gestured to his desk.

She nodded at him. "I'll wait here for you then" she said, gesturing towards Ziva's desk.

Gibbs stood quickly, "actually I'm in need of coffee" as he grabbed her arm before she sat down.

When they were seated with their coffee he stared into his cup.

"Jethro" she said quietly.

He looked up at her "hmm" he mumbled.

"What's the matter" she said, taking a hold of his free hand.

"What isn't wrong Hol" he stated.

"I don't understand" she said.

He let out a breath and pulled his hand away, putting it on his mug.

"My team. Abby, even Jen. They are acting strange" he confessed.

"The Director always acts cold Jethro. It's what all Directors of Federal Agency's do."

"Not Jen" he stated sadly.

Hollis looked skeptically at him.

"You sure about that Jethro? She's always been stand offish to me. She hasn't praised our work or even congratulated us" she stated with disbelief.

"I don't expect you to understand it Hol" he said quietly into his cup.

"What's that suppose to mean Jethro?"

"It means… I don't know what it means."

Hollis nodded and stood up "I see" she said.

Gibbs stood up and headed for the door.

She followed him but as they were reaching NCIS she pulled on his shoulder to stop him.

"You haven't said a word to me" she said.

"I can't do this anymore" he said, looking at her.

"Can't do what" she said, looking up at him.

"This" he gestured between them. "I said it wouldn't turn awkward, but it has."

"So that's it" she asked.

"Hol"he said, his eyes pleading with her to understand.

"I figured this would happen. I'm sorry as well Jethro" she said, hugging him one last time.

Gibbs watched as the lone figure walked back to her car and out of his life.

--

He stood at Jenny's doorstep shifting on his feet. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation, but he knew he had to do it, for his sake and hers as well. He pressed the bell and hoped Jenny didn't have her weapon handy.

The door opened swiftly, and Jenny stood before him, dressed casually and her hair up in a ponytail. She took in who was standing at her stoop and her expression quickly turned into a frown.

"What Gibbs. Anything work related until we are at work" she stated coolly.

"I need to talk to you" he said, well aware that she wasn't going to invite him in at the moment.

"What" she pressed.

"Please Jen" he said quietly.

Jen sighed, and opened the door to let him in.

He entered the foyer and turned toward her as she turned back from shutting the door.

"Talk" she gestured toward him.

"I'm sorry" he stated.

"What for? I'm perfectly fine" she denied.

He thought this was going to be hard, and resigned himself to getting through her walls.

"My relationship, with Hollis. I know it hurt you, and I'm sorry"

"I thought your rule was apologizing was a sign of weakness. Did the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs break his own rule" she snarked back, ignoring his apology at the moment.

Gibbs stared her down, not saying anything.

"What you do in your personal life is none of my business. You are my employee" she said, crossing her arms over herself.

"I thought we were more than that Jen" he said softly.

She laughed quietly to herself, but he could see the pain and the defeat in her stance.

"I miss you Jen"

She stopped her laughter and narrowed her eyes at him "what?"

"I miss you"

"I'm pretty sure we see each other every day. It's hard not to miss you since you're a floor below me. It's hard to miss someone you can't get away from"

"I want to fix this Jenny. I want Jenny back"

She scoffed at him. "Fix this? Fix what Gibbs? I can't help you fix anything."

"I need to do something, to fix what we lost" he said, stepping closer to her.

"You want something to do?" she glanced at him. "Go back to Hollis and get out of my house. Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about this, about us. In fact, there is no us! There hasn't been an us in a long time. Don't expect to come over here and fix this with your damn puppy dog face! I can't fix you and your guilt you feel about being with Hollis!"

He said nothing as she continued her rant "I'm not with her anymore. I broke it off, tonight."

Jenny laughed at him, "If you expect me to jump into your arms after that statement than you are sadly mistaken."

"I didn't" he stated. "But I know I hurt you."

"You don't know. You cannot understand Jethro. Because if you did you would know that I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be having this conversation. I don't want to see you. Just leave Jethro. Go find a new person to hassle."

"I can't leave. We can't end like this" he said.

"We can. And we are. This, you and me, we're done, it's over"

"You can't mean that Jen."

"Try me" she said, taking a standoffish stance.

Gibbs looked down at the floor and sagged his shoulders. He then moved past her, and walked out the door.

--

Gibbs knocked quietly on Ducky's door. Not sure if his mother was asleep or not.

When the door opened he saw Ducky's confused face.

"Can I talk to you?" he said.

"Of course Jethro" and Ducky quickly opened the door to let him in.

"You look horrible Jethro" Ducky stated as they took a seat in the sitting room.

"Just came from Jenny's" he stated, looking at the floor.

"Ah. That explains it dear boy."

Gibbs nodded and sat back in his chair, looking up toward the ceiling.

"I hurt her Duck. Hurt her bad."

"Yes Jethro. You did" Ducky nodded.

"I didn't realize how bad until tonight Duck. She said there's no us anymore. I doubt she's even tolerating my employee status at the moment." He blew out a breath and looked at Ducky, "Ziva said her and Abby agree that I broke Jen's heart"

"I believe you did" Ducky said, looking Gibbs in the eye.

"I called it quits with Hollis" he stated.

"Tell me something I didn't figure out" Ducky stated.

Gibbs cracked a small smile, but quickly sobered up.

"What do I do Duck? She doesn't want to have anything to do with me."

Ducky sat forward in his seat.

"What can I do Jethro? This is about you and her. You hurt her, and you now know that. You knew she would be pissed at you. And you just figured out you broke her heart. Abby wants to hurt you for that, as do the rest of your team. They are very protective of our leader these days my dear boy."

"Just tell me what I did wrong Duck. Tell me so I can fix it."

"Our dear Jennifer has loved you for years. You knew that, only when you were together though. But she never stopped loving you. She has been with you for almost a decade, and has loved you from a far because it's against your rules. You didn't tell her you began a relationship, she is your best friend dear boy. She even supersedes me, and don't try denying it. These two women aren't the best of friends and you are, or were, involved with both of them. You kept her and you team out of the loop, but most importantly, was her being kept out of everything. You both don't share a lot of information, but when you do it's usually with each other. And you didn't on this Jethro. Is any of this making sense, am I getting through to you?" Duck questioned.

Gibbs sat silently, absorbing what Ducky had told him. He suddenly jumped out of his chair and walked out the door.

"That's it Jethro" Ducky said, finally finding the time to go to bed.

--

He figured Jenny wouldn't let him in the house again, not after what she had said, so he grabbed the spare key from his keys. The house was dark, and quiet.

He went to the study, for he knew Jenny spent most of her time in there, and was not disappointed. He saw her sitting in her chair, asleep with a worn tissue in her hand and tear streaks down her cheeks.

"Jen" he said quietly.

She practically jumped out of her chair and yelled at him. "What the hell Jethro? What are you doing?"

Before he could answer she stood up and continued yelling at him.

"Do you try and annoy me by ignoring everything I say? Is this just a game to you?"

"I knew you wouldn't let me in, so I used my key."

"Damn straight I wouldn't have let you in. You're pissing me off Jethro. What do you want now" she seethed.

"You" he said, looking her in the eyes. "I want you."

"What" she said, thrown off by the bold statement.

He took a step closer to her, but she held up her hands to fend him off.

"No, no way" she said. "You can't break into my house and tell me you want me and expect everything to fall back into the place the way it was."

"I know that. I do Jen. But I just want us to be able to talk" he said.

"Why?" She asked. "Why did you choose her?"

"What?" he said confused.

She looked up at him and dropped her arms to her sides. "Why her, why not me? I know you loved me a long time ago. Was it our past? The "rules" you have? Why?"

"I don't know. It never crossed my mind I would hurt you. I thought when you left that we were over. Hell, you said there would be no off the job."

"I was trying to prove myself damn it. I was trying to prove I didn't need you. I was showing my superiors I could work with you."

"I know you were. I just wanted someone to be there. To care if something happened to me" he said, stepping closer to her.

She didn't move her arms to keep him at a distance this time. "I would care. I just wonder why you chose her over me" she said quietly, her eyes shining with tears, but looking into his eyes.

"You're my best friend. You're the one I go to for everything. You mean everything to me Jen. I was afraid that you'd turn me down and that things would change. That you'd leave again. I didn't want to have to start all over again."

She sniffled and smiled a watery smile at him, "well Jethro, that plan backfired."

He laughed and nodded his head, "that's an understatement Jen."

Jen watched him for a minute, and took in his stance, he looked defeated but happy she was finally talking to him. "So, what do we do now" she questioned.

"I want to start over Jen. I didn't realize how much I hurt you until tonight. I miss you Jen" he smiled when she shyly smiled, remembering the first time he told her that, "You get me. You know how I feel, when I want to be alone, when I need company. I want this Jen" he said, coming around the desk.

She bit her lip and looked up in his eyes "you know, people who miss each other usually tell the people they want to start over at the beginning, not when they are just done breaking up with their girlfriend."

"Damn it Jen!" he said frustrated with her "I felt alone. I had a hole from when you first left me. I didn't want to feel that ever again. I didn't want to risk you running. I just needed someone to understand me."

"I do Jethro, I understand. The first time I left you, and from that day onward I felt empty and alone. I didn't want to leave damn it. I loved you. God, I loved you. But I needed to prove myself that I could get to the top without sleeping with the boss. That was the first time. The second time was when you were with Hollis. I didn't want you happy without me! I didn't want to see you happy. Knowing that I didn't put that smile on your face crushed me." She shouted at him, now looking out the study window to keep the tears at bay.

"So I'm the bastard. I know that, you know that. But I want to fix this. I want this Jen. More than anything" he said quietly.

"What if you can't fix it? What if you can't right the wrongs that we had in the past, huh Jethro? Did you even think about me when you were with her? Did you think about my reaction before you started seeing her?" she questioned the grounds outside.

"I'm going to try to fix it Jen. Whether it's possible or not. Sure, sometimes I wished it was you instead of Hollis, but I didn't think we were ready to delve into the past. That we were ready to face what happened a long time ago. But what about you. I know you went on dates, I wanted to kill them all for even thinking of touching you."

"Well, you know how I feel" she said, looking at him through the reflection in the window.

"Yes. I do." He stepped closer to her and was thankful she didn't step away, or turn around and push him out of the way. "I'm going to fix it Jen. I hurt you and I'm sorry. I won't lose our friendship, our partnership, our history over this."

She bit her lip and still faced the window, watching him step closer to her. "What do you want from me Jethro?"

"You know the answer Jen. You've always known" he said stepping next to her.

"Yeah. I do." She looked up towards him "But I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt again."

He bumped his shoulder with hers "I know Jen. I won't do that to you again."

She looked down at their hands, they were brushing against each other slightly, until he reached out and took a hold of hers. He gently grasped them and the gentleness of his touch brought back the memories of them and the heartbreak of what she had just gone through.

"Jethro"

"Jen. I deserve to be hated by you, but I don't want that. I can't lose you to this."

Their eyes locked and she grasped his hand tighter.

He couldn't move as she moved to tighten the grip on his hand and as she shifted towards him, now facing him instead of the window.

"Jen"

She moved to cover his mouth with her free hand, "shut up Jethro."

He nodded and she felt him smirk beneath her hand.

She moved her hand that was covering his mouth up and over his shoulder and grasped his neck, pulling him close to her in a hug. He let go of her hand and pulled her tight against him, both arms wrapped around her waist and his nose buried in her hair. She lifted her other arm up to encircle his neck and buried her face into the crook of his neck and breathed in the scent of coffee and sawdust.

"I love you" he said quietly, watching their reflection in the window. "Always have."

He felt Jen's smile break out against her neck, he felt her breath against his neck, "I know Jethro, and I love you too."

END.


End file.
